Waiting for the red light to come back on

By JESSE LIEBMAN

I have a confession to make.

It’s tugged at me for ages; I’m not ashamed to admit it, though.

I was born to love hockey.

The first book that I taught myself to read was a biography of Wayne Gretzky, one of dozens of books my grandmother brought home from her volunteer position in the children’s ward of a local hospital, where she read to kids.

On a day when my mother had dropped me off at my grandparents while she was at work, instead of watching the television, I picked the book up and never relinquished my hold until I had pored over each page.

I was three years old.

Somehow, out of all those books, it had to be the “Great One.”

When the New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994, I remember watching the game with my father in our temporary home in New Mexico — a brief, one-year hiatus from the Empire State for my family — not fully comprehending the overwhelming magnitude of what this moment meant for the millions celebrating back home in New York, some who had been waiting over five decades for this to happen.

Somehow, I still knew that I was watching something extraordinary; something truly unique and awe-inspiring that only appears once in a lifetime, and stays with you.

When my family returned to the east coast, I finally had a chance to strap on a pair of skates and give it a try myself.

Every time I lace up my skates and take that first step out onto a fresh sheet of ice, be it on a rink or a frozen pond, my mind goes blank, and I dissolve into an almost zen-like state. It’s when I am at my best, without the burden of distractions that life invariably drops in my lap.

That’s not to say I’m anything to look at on skates. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve got feet of cement and hands of lead; I am not an empty vessel, however.

A deficiency in offensive skill evolved into an ability to block shots and throw my body in harm’s way to protect my teammates, and it’s an occupation I wouldn’t trade for anything.

I relish the opportunity to make an impact. I savor it. The pain is validation that I did my part; it is only a temporary reminder, a small price to pay. The failure to act and do what’s necessary for the people that matter to me — both at the rink and in life — lingers.

The game has left me with bruises and scars. Some cut deeper than others. Others affirm that I did the right thing.

It is therapeutic for me; purifying, even. It’s an affirmation that nothing worth winning in life is supposed to come easily.

Hockey taught me a number of life lessons: the value of teamwork, of setting goals, putting in your best effort and being gracious in both victory and defeat.

It also taught me to be tolerant of others, to follow directions and to think critically and objectively.

Hockey made me who I am today.

What started as a choice, ultimately became an obligation.

I don’t know whether this passion is my attempt at trying to compensate for social skills that I admittedly lack, or it’s simply a primal instinct that I inherited, but hockey has left an indelible mark on my life. And it all started with a book.

And now, two decades after picking up that book, I find myself working in the industry I have supported for so long. For that I am grateful.

Hockey has given me so much, and now I finally have an opportunity to give back. I have a chance to teach, to contribute, to articulate and to inspire.

Somewhere out there, there’s a boy or girl like me who is picking up that book, or watching that game or lacing up the skates for the first time.

Hockey saved me.

Now it’s time for the powers that be to save hockey.

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8 Comments

  1. julie

     /  October 26, 2012

    that is one awesome prologue of the book you need to write !

    Reply
  2. Brahmani

     /  October 26, 2012

    Awesome job. Thanks for the insight into your passion & path.

    Reply
  3. Laurie

     /  October 27, 2012

    Loved reading this, Jesse! Co cool. Congratulations!

    Reply
  4. Carl Kaffeman

     /  October 27, 2012

    Jesse, So very well said. That sums up my feelings, dedication and obligation to hockey as well. Although it wasn’t my first read, it was “Andy Bathgate’s Hockey Secrets” or “Andy Bathgate Hockey My Way” that turned me on to this great game forever. You’re a lucky man. Best of luck in your new endeavor

    Reply
  5. Carrie

     /  October 27, 2012

    How wonderful to be able to live a life surrounded by passion. Socialization is so over rated!!!!

    Reply
  6. steve balberg

     /  October 27, 2012

    Jesse, great blog. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I also love hockey and now living in Spokane, Washington i’ve found that even junior hockey and following the Spokane Chiefs in the Western Hockey League fills the NHL void. By the way your father was a great young goaltender in the now defunct Oval HOCKEY league in the Bronx circa 1964-1966. Mr.Kaffeman who commented earlier was the best defenseman, your Uncle Andy had a devastating slapshot and an even better wrist shot and was the best scorer you’ve ever seen kind of like Bobby Hull, and I was a great playmaker. Your grandfather Ready Eddie Liebman made our hockey nets, and your Grandmother Blanche, met Carl, myself, Uncle Andy, and your Dad at Van Cortland Lake many times with a rye bread and cheese after skating and playing hockey on the lake. After 3 hours of ice hockey and chasing the puck endlessly all of us guys would devour that 2 lb. sliced rye bread by the time we returned to your Dad’s house. And if that’s not enough your Aunt Joy joined us many times at the Garden to watch the NY Rovers play. So you can see that you came by your hockey passion honestly. Best of Luck to you Jesse.
    Steve Balberg

    Reply
  7. Jesse…Half way around the world, I am proud as punch of the young man you have become. Your blog is insightful, refreshing and honest. I’ve always said that nothing compares with hockey where pure skill and phyisicality are combined like no other sport in the world…Even rugby. Having gone to DU, I’ve had the priviledge to witness college hockey at the highest level up close from the student section. I’m so happy that you’re pursuing your passion into a career. Good luck in climbing that ladder one rung at a time…We all support you wholeheartedly… Well donw mate…
    Love from New Zealand
    Davey

    Reply
  8. Thomas

     /  October 28, 2012

    I have to agree with your mother, a great prologue to a wonderful book. I like yourself so enjoy the game and remember walking to the “Garden” for some cheap seats when I lived in NYC. Stay on course, stay true and you will be on your way to a wonderful and fulfilling life.

    Reply

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